In a heretofore unheard of display of inter-species relations, turkeys have joined geese in an international protest against using down as an insulator in clothing.
In perhaps an even more revelatory development, sheep – not typically lauded for their collective intelligence – have stepped in to provide a solution.
Leveraging their place on the national stage with Thanksgiving right around the corner, the turkeys are planning to bring this important missive to America. (It would seem the Canadian geese have our neighbors to the north covered.)
“Enough is enough,” said one turkey. “We turkeys been persecuted and celebrated in the same breath – for a few centuries now. We understand what it’s like when everyone wants a piece of you. We’re here to stand up for all the members our fine, fowl family.”
Yet, in a strange twist to this otherwise normal story of activism, most people don’t want “pieces” of geese. They’re just after the down feathers, which are recognized for their impressive insulation qualities. With winter bearing down hard around the country, what are the alternatives?
“In a world that gave us Roombas and airplanes – particularly important since we turkeys aren’t known for our prowess in the air – how can we not have a warm, lightweight, packable alternative to plucking the poor geese of their down?” asked one turkey protester.
Sheep are joining the cause, which isn’t hard to imagine since sheep are born followers. Ibex, most likely the “brains” behind this whole operation, figured out a way to spin wool into a light, frothy insulation that goes head-to-head with down on every level. Warmth-to-weight ratio? Superb. Lightweight? Yes. And the pièce-de-resistance? This wool insulation, called “Wool Aire,” still keeps you warm even if it gets wet.
It’s never been said before and the smart money says it will never be said again, but this time: If there’s a problem, leave it to a sheep to find a solution.
For this Thanksgiving, winter, polar vortex, Hanukkah and Christmas, keep your feathered friends flying and let the sheep share their seasonal wool. Check out the Ibex Wool Aire line at ibex.com. For all that turkeys are about to give to you, this may, sincerely, be the least you can do.